Probed

Well ladies and gentlemen -- I've been to the doctor for my third vaginal probing this year.


(Vaginal ultrasound you perves)

It's a long thin wand -


The tech treats me like a hollow chocolate easter bunny.


All the way in


North -- yeah -- that's not too bad -- a normal direction
North-NorthEast -- hmmm -- it'll be over soon
North-NorthWest - alright -- I can see that -- I've got ovaries on both sides
South -- uh -- SOUTH? (are we looking at my spine?)
South - SouthEast -- grr
South - SouthWest -- grrrrr
East -- Seriously -- EAST?>? oh crap -- that means
West -- dang.



Are my ovaries really that hard to locate? Are they hiding? On vacation? shy?
I haven't moved them without authorization
I definitely brought them in with me.
one on each side.



When she was done -- she handed me a tissue -- told me to clean myself up -- get dressed -- and leave.


No cuddles
No dinner

I bet she just went on to the next woman.


Seriously -- if Curt came at me with this thing I would break up with him and get a restraining order.


I thanked her and asked if they took VISA.