Project from Hell

Tuesday we received the Spanish translation of the new and improved Associate Handbook (which by the way took months and months of editing to create the English version)

We were asked on Tuesday morning to have the proof-reading of the Spanish translation done by Thursday morning.

It became immediately obvious that Thursday was NEVER going to happen.

I speak Spanish as a second language -- I'm good -- but I'm no native speaker. I found about 50 or 60 errors in the handbook -- including some where the bad translation actually changed the meaning of the section!

Today I called a meeting with the other proof-readers -- all native speakers.

2 hours in -- we had proofread about 15 pages -- with close to 200 corrections. We have about 20 more pages to go.

The mistakes we found from this "professional" translation were shocking. Spanish 101 errors, inconsistencies (translating the word "crafts" 3 different ways in different parts of the book)

Shocking

I can't believe that I decided I wasn't good enough to be a translator.

Apparently I could have gone into this business and raked it in.

Jacked up pay

Discovered today that Michaels paid me not once -- but twice last week.

Once at my old rate
Once at my new rate

The solution?
return the correct check
keep the incorrect check
Next week get paid the correct amount
plus the difference between the wrong amount and the right amount

flipping brilliant.

Great email

Got a facebook email today from someone I know sort of casually.

The message read:

Do you have any friends in their 40s that would go out with my friend Steve. If so his number is 214.493.xxxx.

I'm not sure who should be more insulted by this -- Steve or the women in their 40's!

ATTENTION! -- WOMEN IN YOUR 40's -- A MAN OF INDETERMINATE AGE, PROFESSION, TALENTS AND APPEARANCE IS AVAILABLE!!! -- HIGH ALERT!!!

Aparently -- I don't need to know anything about "steve" -- his availability alone should be enough.

and while I'm at it -- poor Steve -- having his 30-something friend pimp him out and offer up his phone number to any woman willing to blindly call him.

Poor Steve.

jacksonville day 1

I'm in Jacksonville

Learning how my job is supposed to be done when I'm not running around like a lunatic.

I'm checked in

and decided that Cracker Barrel was my best bet for dinner (did I mention I'm in Jacksonville??)

I ordered the meatloaf (still trying to find Mom's meatloaf -- -- I'm going to have to just start making them until I figure it out by myself)

where was I

ah

I ordered meatloaf -- and steak fries -- and hash brown casserole (leamme alone -- I wanted comfort food) with the country green beans and cornbread muffins.

Sad, dry meatloaf with a smear of ketchup on the top -- mushy green beans -- hard muffins (if these are just like grandma used to make -- grandma was a crap cook)

I look over at the table to the left and I see a little old lady -- in her 80's with a dowager's hump. She's wearing light brown pants -- like me, and a purple top (i almost wore mine today) and is having the meatloaf...

by herself.

like me.

It made me feel a little sad.

Which is ridiculous -- -I'm not this lady -- I'm not going to be this lady.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and I'm tired and really really hate eating alone. (which is the lecture I gave myself as I buttered those hard dry muffins)

I had cheered myself up when the waitress came by and said, " Gee! you two should have sat together!!"

I'm going to start sitting up straight right away.

too early

Dang 3:51
some are just going to sleep
my alarm went off

Probed

Well ladies and gentlemen -- I've been to the doctor for my third vaginal probing this year.


(Vaginal ultrasound you perves)

It's a long thin wand -


The tech treats me like a hollow chocolate easter bunny.


All the way in


North -- yeah -- that's not too bad -- a normal direction
North-NorthEast -- hmmm -- it'll be over soon
North-NorthWest - alright -- I can see that -- I've got ovaries on both sides
South -- uh -- SOUTH? (are we looking at my spine?)
South - SouthEast -- grr
South - SouthWest -- grrrrr
East -- Seriously -- EAST?>? oh crap -- that means
West -- dang.



Are my ovaries really that hard to locate? Are they hiding? On vacation? shy?
I haven't moved them without authorization
I definitely brought them in with me.
one on each side.



When she was done -- she handed me a tissue -- told me to clean myself up -- get dressed -- and leave.


No cuddles
No dinner

I bet she just went on to the next woman.


Seriously -- if Curt came at me with this thing I would break up with him and get a restraining order.


I thanked her and asked if they took VISA.

anniversary

So Curt informs me that today is our 3 month anniversary.

1st date -- 3 months ago today

And it occurs to me --- I've only dated one other person for more than 3 months (He who shall not be named!)

How is this possible?

Let's see -- High School -- well -- I didn't put out -- so I rarely went out on more than 3 dates in a row.

College -- yeah -- pretty much the same. I spent most of college with a painful crush that kept me from seeing anyone else at all.

Then I got married.

Since then -- there have been lots of dates -- but no one steady.

until now.

So -- what does it mean that as of tomorrow I'm in uncharted territory?

I'm writing this story one page -- shoot -- one paragraph at a time.

It's just the next day

right?

Don't worry -- I have a paper bag ready for hyperventilation.

Real Time Review: Purely Decadent Chocolate no-dairy frozen dessert made with Coconut Milk

Ok -- so anyone who knows me, knows that dairy is the devil. But I miss ice cream -- and although I do love chocolate sorbet -- it ain't ice cream folks.

Oh-- and soy has a bad bad baaaaaaad aftertaste

So I thought I would try the Purely Decadent (made with coconut milk) non-dairy frozen dessert -- Chocolate -- right now -- while I'm blogging

Ok -- time to open it up...

Looks like ice cream -- maybe a little too fluffy

smells like the little tiny containers of ice cream you could buy in Jr. High (ok -- in the 80's) that came with a flat wooden spoon.

first taste

very coconutty
melted nicely in my mouth
not hard like most ice cream straight from the fridge
vague cocoa flavor more than true chocolate
no weird aftertaste

It's like a frozen mounds bar

recommended.

Now go away

I'm want to be alone with it for awhile!

New Job PROS and CONS list

PRO:
New Job=More Money
CON:
New Job=Long Commute

CON:
3 out of 4 of my staff were termed 1 day before I started
PRO:
I get to build a new staff

PRO:
I get to build a new staff
CON:
I HAVE to build a new staff

PRO:
Much more casual dress code
CON:
No open toed shoes

PRO:
Walls! a Door! WINDOWS!
CON:
The view from the windows is a conveyor belt. (who am I kidding -- I got me some WALLS! I could care less about the view!!!!)

CON:
Long loooooooong looooooooooooong hours
PRO:
interesting challenging work -- the 12 hour days just fly by (no really!)

CON:
My office is on the far side of the warehouse
PRO:
If I don't lose weight at this job I'll have no one to blame!!

CON:
I'm having to give up some projects I loved and I'll miss my corporate friends
PRO:
I'm going to have a great time at the new job -- just as soon as I figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing!

Wish me luck!

week 1 at new job

humiliation
just wanted to rest my eyes
fast asleep at 8