I have spent more time in the last year thinking about choice
and I have come to the conclusion
that while men have the right to have an opinion
they really don't have a dog in this hunt
because fatherhood
active fatherhood
is optional
and it's acceptable
to some degree for it to be optional
motherhood
is much less so
now now -- I can see some of you coming up with all the exceptions
stories of brilliant fathers who do as they should
I had one of those myself
but if things had been different
if my mother had found herself pregnant in another scenario
the father of the child
has a choice
to stay or go
to be an active father or not.
and while yes
there are women who walk away from their children
society vilifies them
beyond that
society brands them as unnatural
almost perverse
how could any mother not want her child
so that when a woman gives a child up for adoption
there is a stigma
to the unnaturalness of giving up your child
rather than see it as the noble thing to do
the responsible thing
to give an unwanted child to one who wants it
we separate ourselves from it
with quiet, "I could never do such a thing"
a woman who finds herself with an unwanted pregnancy is faced with some choices
carry and keep the child
in spite of perhaps being alone
being too poor to support the child
or too young
or unsuited to the task
perhaps finding it a hidden blessing
but perhaps never quite attaching
and damaging a young life in the course of things
carry and give the child up
with people daily
telling them "they could never do it"
with the judgement
and facing the jarring separation of giving up that child
in spite of what nature tells you to do
abort
and either keep your secret
or face judgement
and at the very least
having to walk the gauntlet of anti's
pulling at them in the most tender of moments.
but the father
can choose
he can choose to be as much
or as little of it has he chooses
and in some cases -- a woman might go to court to force some recalcitrant papa to contribute
but the burden of proof is on the mother
a man
who can walk away from this unwanted pregnancy
at any time
to be in
or out
to whatever degree he chooses
doesn't have a place
in deciding that
we women
should have fewer choices.
